As he slept next to me, I felt like a complete idiot. Of all the times I had been able to read his mood, my ability chose tonight to fail. Before any of this, I was able to judge his mood much better, and then act accordingly. If I hadn't been so blinded by his sickness, I would have known that he wanted exactly the same thing that I did.

For me, I had always found comfort in the act of sex. I had to reason that he did too, seeing as how he allowed me to seduce him often enough. When I first learned his moods, I had tried to ease his stress with a massage, or rubbing his temples. He loved the latter, and it seemed to relax him well enough. However, there were times that neither would work. It didn't take me long to realize that I could get him to release a lot of his stress and tension if I could get him into bed.

I looked down at him, his head resting on my left breast as he held me, our legs still tangled together. A wave of guilt washed over me once more. He looked so much more peaceful now, a slight smile on his lips even as he slept on.

I should have known. I should have realized.

~ ~ ~

When Dr. Elliot had told us the diagnosis, I knew we would be staying in Philadelphia for much longer than expected. Once more, the Jade Tigers came to our aid. With their help, Dee and I were moved to a large house.

The whole process of moving once more started Dee and I arguing about petty issues. She wanted me to take a ground floor room at the house. I wanted one of the fourth floor. She wanted me to wear warmer pajamas, and wear a robe around the house.

Fine, so the last wasn't a big deal, and I refused out of stubbornness. She just made it so easy for me to get annoyed when she would do exactly what I asked her not to do, and treat me like an invalid! But we managed to settle ourselves into the new house, and were better off for the move. Dee gave in to my bedroom choice, only because the house had an elevator in it.

Because the house was so large and private, along with having a large, lush garden, Dee was able to have her tigers back with her. Though they often caused me more grief than anything, I was pleased that they were back. It gave Dee somewhere else to expend energy and care, as well as company for her when I wanted to be by myself.

The house was surrounded with a wrought iron fence with a gate at the front, and one at the back. Also at the back was a detached garage. Between the house and the garage, to the right side of the house, was a swimming pool, complete with a rocky formation and a waterfall. The garden was verdant and dense enough that the tigers could wander around it without being seen. Dee had to tell them that they needed to stay away from the paths and far enough back from the fence, however. Surrounding the entire house was a wraparound porch. This was great for the tigers, because at any time of the day, they could find sunny patches outdoors to sleep in.

At the moment, I was sitting in the window seat of the room I had chosen, reveling in the sun that warmed me as I took my afternoon nap. This was exactly why I had chosen this room. The skylights let in enough sun in the morning to warm the room, and in the afternoon, I could sit in the large bay window and look at the garden. I even had a view of the swimming pool, where I would be able to watch Dee as she splashed around with her tigers, or simply went swimming herself.

The last time I had looked, Dee was at the garage with Manchu, unloading the last of our things from the back of her black Mariah that Manchu had brought. Tonight she was fixing me what she was calling a sampler dinner; small portions of all my favorite dishes. It would be the last meal I would have before surgery in the morning. After midnight, I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything, and once I could eat again, I would be subjected to the horrible food at the hospital.

While I attempted to make my way down to dinner using the stairs, I found myself getting tired, and my headache increasing, so I took the elevator the rest of the way. After dinner, we went back up to the bedroom, where she let me rest against her while she massaged my temples.

As she held me, she nuzzled her face into my hair. It was a point of vanity for me, and I was going to miss the stuff. Dr. Elliot assured me that I would only have to have a small portion shaved off, but I couldn't stand the idea of having a bald spot, so I had decided that I would have the nurses completely shave my head when they came to prep me for surgery. I kept my eyes closed as Dee fingered my hair, memorizing how her fingers lightly tugged at my hair, and how her breath ruffled it.

Even though we already had the diagnosis, I considered tonight my last night as the Edward Nigma the world knew. Tomorrow I would undergo surgery and become a new Edward Nigma, or Arthur Wynne, as was the case. Taking complete advantage of that, and the fact that today had been a good day, I made love to my girlfriend. I had no idea when I would be able to enjoy such a pleasure again, or even feel up to this activity. Plus, it made me feel whole. When we were through, Dee allowed me to remain nuzzled against her breast as I fell asleep.

~ ~ ~

The nurses had Eddie attached to so many machines. Each one beeped at intervals, and each only reinforced the fact that he was about to undergo major surgery. I sat in a corner of the room, watching the nurses buzz around him like bees. They had shaved his head, letting me keep a couple locks. It was one of these locks that I nervously twisted around my finger as I watched his expressionless face.

One of the nurses offered him two little paper cups. The first contained pre-op pills; the other held only enough water to swallow the pills. He eyed them warily, but took them once the nurse explained what each pill was for. Like him, the sight of the cups gave me flashbacks to Arkham and med time. After he took the pills, the nurses gathered their things, telling him they would be back in about a half hour to check on him. He would be going to surgery within the hour.

"How you feeling, Tiger?" I asked, taking a seat at the side of the bed.

I smiled down at him, an expression he tried to return. The smile quickly turned bitter as he smacked his parched lips. His eyes left my face, and he stared at the IV sticking out of his left hand.

"Terrible. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be going through this."

"I know, sweetheart, I know," I soothed, stroking his now bald head. The skin felt so strange. Soft, yet tacky under my fingers, like velvet. I placed a kiss on the crown of his head, and tucked his head under my chin.

"No, you don't know, Dee. You know only from an outside view. You will never know what it is like to be told that you have cancer..." He trailed off, fighting to keep his eyes opened, fighting, even, to keep his anger.

"No, that I don't know. But I do know that if it affects you, it affects me. I know what it's like to have the one I love be diagnosed. It's more than I ever wanted to know, and I would trade places with you in a heartbeat," I said quietly. So many times I had been tempted to lose my temper with him. The only thing that stopped me was that I really didn't know what it was like from his point of view. What he must be going through, I could only stand next to him, and imagine.

For the next half hour, I occupied his time helping him do a crossword puzzle. We didn't get too far as the pills and IV drip started to kick in, making him drowsy. It was a depressing sight to see, especially when only a few short months ago he would be halfway through an entire book of puzzles in that same half hour.

Before the nurses wheeled him away, I gave him a parting kiss on the lips, and one on the forehead. Standing at the door, I watched as he disappeared around the corner. Once he was out of sight, I returned to the room. Heading straight for the chair I had vacated to sit at his bedside, I collapsed in it, sobbing myself to sleep.
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