I'm just touching on the subject here of hair loss. Those who have hair take it for granted. I certainly know that I did until I lost all of my hair, almost two weeks to the day of my first round of chemo. When my hair started falling out, I had very long, red hair, down to the bottom of my back. I loved my hair. It was always the one thing that defined me as myself.

My costuming teacher once told me, "A woman's hair is her crowning glory." Never before did I realize how true that was until my sister was shaving the last of my hair from my head. Once that was all over, I just looked in the trashcan, saw the piles of long red hair, and cried. I cried alone, in my room, away from my mother and sister. There was no need for me to cry near them, because they would just tell me that it would grow back. While I knew this, it didn't help. Over the next month, I lost almost every bit of hair on my body.

That layer of peach fuzz hair on your body really does hold in a lot of heat. I was amazed at how easily I would get chills after I lost it. One of the nurses that had taken care of me in the outpatient surgery center knitted me a hat to sleep in. I was so thankful for that hat. Every night when I went to bed, I would put it on before pulling the pile of blankets over myself. During the day, I would wear one of the several hats I have, or a bandana, along with layers of clothing.

Point is a person's hair is very much a part of them, not only physically, but also mentally. When you unwillingly lose that, you lose a part of yourself. A person's hair and style are very much a part of themselves. It says a lot about an individual's personality. I, for one, used to always wear my hair in pigtail braids, or a queue.

The things I miss most about having long hair is playing with it, and having the wind ruffle it. Those are some of the best feelings, and they always made me feel like I was free. Sounds silly, but if anyone ever loses their hair, or shaves their head for the heck of it, you'll know exactly what I mean, no matter how long your hair was before, or if you're male or female. If you're used to having hair, you suddenly become really aware of it being gone. And when you look at yourself in the mirror and you're missing your body hair, you realize how odd you look. It can really make a person feel self-conscious.

Edward Nigma is a man who prides himself on his appearance. The loss of his hair would be something he could more easily deal with. But the added loss of his body hair, plus the physical changes of his body from the chemotherapy, added with the smell of the chemicals, would make him miserable.

There's no way to describe how chemo makes a person smell, but it does. I'm not talking gagging smell, but there's a cloying smell of medicines that takes a long time to get rid of. That would also affect his view of himself. Being in the body, you can smell the difference more than others. There's also the change of the skin color, and the flaking nails. This doesn't happen to everyone, however. As with any medication, every person has different reactions to it. Some people find chemo to be easy, and others, including myself, are terribly miserable through the whole ordeal. With radiation, some have a very hard time. For me, radiation was a cakewalk.
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