I couldn't believe it. Those were words I never thought I would hear from
her. Ever. Three times I checked the calendar to see if it was April Fool's
Day. But it wasn't. It wasn't even April! It was in fact June, and she had
waited a week to tell me this!
She had gotten into the safe to pay Benny and Trigger off and sent them
away. Most of her day was spent cooking and making some of my favorites for
dinner and dessert. The tigers were especially well behaved, taking their
raw legs of lamb off to their room to eat. None of them swatted at me all
day.
I should have known something was up.
"I made you a scotch on the rocks, Tiger. Made it with the special scotch,"
she had said, swaying into my study with the glass lightly held between
her fingers. "Thought you might like a drink before dinner."
Sipping the amber liquid, I had sighed and pulled her onto my lap. Resting
my head against her heart, I asked, "What's for dinner?"
"I made you a steak, those garlic juniper roast potatoes you like so much,
buttered noodles, and a salad with candied walnuts, apples, blue cheese,
and a vinaigrette." As she spoke, she ran her fingers through my hair and
placed a kiss on my forehead.
"You were making dessert too, weren't you? I could have sworn I smelled
your..."
A sly smile. "Chocolate cheesecake with tart cherries. Chocolate crust,
just the way you like it."
Dinner had been perfect. The wine, the food, the candlelight, the company...
She didn't drink wine. She had pomegranate juice. Juice with a perfectly
done steak!
I should have known something was up.
After dinner we retired to the living room where we fed each other cheesecake.
I offered her some of my wine. She took the glass and put it on the table,
kissing me instead. The cherries and chocolate mingled with her pomegranate
juice, flavoring the kiss.
"Yum," she said, pulling back momentarily, only to come back in and kiss
my chin. "I have something to tell you."
"Yeah?" I was barely paying attention. How can any man pay attention when
he's just been well fed and is then being kissed in such a way as to make
his blood boil? I admit I thought she was going to tell me she was going
to make love to me. What? I'm a man, just like any other and I do enjoy
my time with her.
"First tell me what today is."
"Today?" Shit. Did I forget an anniversary? Her birthday had been last month,
so I was safe from that. Think, man, think! I yelled at myself. But
it was so hard to think with her lips brushing my collarbone and her fingers
running over my chest.
When I didn't answer (in fact, I had gone completely silent, she said later),
she answered for me, her mouth in a petulant pout. "It's Father's Day, Eddie."
Father's Day? Why should I care if it were Father's Day or not? I hadn't
spoken to my father in... Hell, that was one thing I couldn't remember.
I didn't even know if my parents were still alive. Dee had been orphaned
and raised by Jiaoshu, the former martial arts teacher of the Jade Tiger
Triad, and his concubine, Li Mei. The two were now blissfully retired, leaving
Dee's best friend, Manchu in charge of the school.
"So?" I finally said.
"Eddie," she said, sitting up and tossing her long red hair over her shoulder.
"Don't you get it Eddie? You're going to be a father."
I swear I heard the crash and felt the jolt as the world came to a screeching
halt. For a moment I sat there. Certainly she didn't say what I thought
she had. So I checked. Mistake number one.
"Very funny, Dee. You, pregnant," I chuckled, comprehending the joke.
Her eyes looked as if a cloud had just rolled over whatever light source
that normally illuminated them. The body, which had been so inviting and
soft against me, now stiffened and began pulling away. Lips, which had been
full and ready for kissing only seconds before now thinned as she pulled
them into a tight frown.
"This isn't a joke! I'm pregnant, Eddie! You know I've been sick in the
mornings. I went to see Dr. Zhuang to find out what it was. She gave me a
test and told me I was pregnant!"
"But how did you get pregnant?" I asked. Mistake two. Shut up, Edward.
Just shut the hell up!
A growl of frustration was my answer as she yanked herself off the couch.
Grabbing the dessert plate and her glass, she stormed into the kitchen.
I sat there, wondering what I had done wrong. In the kitchen the water began
to run and the clatter of plates could be heard.
Get off your ass and get in there, you moron! my mind shouted at
me. As if I had been goosed, I shot up from the couch and hurried into the
kitchen. Taking the dishes out of her hands, I turned the water off and
pulled her up against me.
"We were careful, Kitten. How could it have happened?" I held her against
my chest so I could rub her belly in the way she liked, in the way that
usually calmed her down.
"Gee, I don't know. Maybe someone was overzealous after a job a month ago
and couldn't wait. He was so excited about successfully completing such
a tough job that he f..."
I cut her off with a kiss. She was right. I had been overzealous that night
and had forgotten. But I couldn't resist when I had seen her at the safe,
carefully tucking the goods away. Smiling, I remembered the way her costume
had looked on her at that exact moment. It was warm, so she had decided
to wear the shorts with the fishnets and the little shirt (which wasn't
much of a shirt, if you ask me). She said it kept her cooler and gave her
freedom of movement, making her job easier. Perhaps, but she also knew what
I thought of her in it.
"You're right, I was. But I was not the only one to blame. You knew I was
in the room. You wouldn't have done what you did if you were alone."
Now she smiled. Her cheeks lifting against mine as she remembered the way
she had moved and stretched when she stood up from the safe. The way she
bent over as she twirled the combination lock shut, spinning it with her
finger the same way she ran her finger in a circle on my chest when she
wanted me to make love to her. The woman was a champion flirt and could make
me succumb to her in most any mood I was in, save my especially foul moods.
Even then, she managed to relax me to the point where whatever had angered
me, even if it had been her, didn't matter so much.
"So I flirted a little," she said almost carelessly.
"A little? Doll, saying that you flirted a little is like saying Noah was
only caught in a light drizzle," I teased. I lost count of how many times
we had done it that night. We had both been grateful that the guys had decided
to head straight to a bar to get drunk the second we got back to the hideout.
"Well?" she asked, stroking my arms.
"Well what? You can't just say 'well' and expect me to know what you're
thinking."
"Right now I should. What do you think? I know we said that neither one
of us wanted kids."
"I don't know. But it's your body. You're the one who has to carry it, so
the final decision is yours." Mistake number three.
Brushing my hands off her body, she turned, looked at me, stomped her foot
once, and disappeared into the hideout.
My head tipped back and I looked at the ceiling, hands opened in entreaty.
I didn't believe in God, but it was the only reaction that seemed right
just then. "Why me? This is a test, isn't it? I'm being tested. She's testing
me."
On my way out of the kitchen, I looked at the calendar. It was indeed Father's
Day. There was another calendar on the wall in the living room. Father's
Day. I checked every room on my way back to our bedroom. When I checked
my study, I checked the calendar on my computer. Father's Day.
Maybe I was dreaming. I slammed my hand in the top drawer of my desk. "Shit!"
I groaned, wincing at the pain of my throbbing left hand. "Not a dream,
Eddie."
Dee was hugging her pillow to herself, crying her eyes out on the bed. It
was always hit and miss with her as to if she wanted comforting or not.
Generally I offered it unless there was an obvious "get the fuck away from
me" sign. Sitting on the edge, I placed a hand on her back. When she didn't
growl, I rubbed her back. No hissing. I took my chance and lay down next
to her, putting my arm around her.
"Wanna tell me what I said wrong so I can correct myself?"
"Uragh!" she grumbled even as she took hold my left hand.
"Right. It's our decision. I only meant that I would stand with whatever
you wanted. If you want to have a kid, we'll have a kid. If you don't, we
won't." I attempted not to flinch as she rubbed my sore hand more firmly
that I would have liked. Unfortunately, she hit the right spot and I sucked
in a pained breath.
"What did you do to your hand, Tiger?" she asked. It was always a good sign
when she called me "Tiger."
"I accidentally closed it in my desk drawer," I lied. The unconvinced grunt
she gave told me she knew I was lying. She remained quite though. "We're
not exactly the best candidates for parents, Dee. Should we allow ourselves
to have a kid?"
"Why not? There are couples out there far worse than we are. I was thinking
that maybe, if you agreed to keeping it, we could see if we could do better
where our parents went wrong. Just because we hop in and out of Arkham all
the time doesn't mean we couldn't be good parents and do the child right."
She lifted my hand to her lips and kissed it. "We don't have to decide tonight.
Just in the next few days."
I agreed to think about it and what she had said. It was true. We didn't
have to follow in our parents' footsteps when it came to childrearing. Still,
me, Edward Nigma, a father? I was the Riddler! Criminal mastermind! Not
"daddy." We talked for a while and found ourselves making love before falling
asleep. She said she was nervous and it made her relax. I think she was
just feeling amorous. So was I.
Two days later we mutually decided to give parenthood a shot.
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