The hangover from the moonshine was with me for two days. I had an idea
now how Dee felt when she would wake up with morning sickness. As I was
going to be a father, I decided it would be a good time to go into partial
retirement. I thought it best to announce this to all the other criminals
in our circle with a get together at the Iceberg Lounge. The invitation
was an open one to whoever was available (meaning not in Arkham).
With the circle we ran in, we knew to give everyone who would show a chance
to make it. The get together was scheduled for eight in the evening. The
plan was to make the announcement around nine or nine-thirty. We didn't
expect the turnout that we got. Pamela Isley, Harvey Dent, Selina Kyle,
Jonathan Crane, and the Joker (we weren't exactly certain if we were pleased
he was there or not), to name a few, were all in attendance. The Penguin
was there, of course, as the Iceberg was his dinner club.
"So, Eddie, gonna give us any hint on what this is all about?" Pam asked,
swirling the olive around in her martini.
I inclined my head to her graciously and tightened my hold around Dee's
waist. "Everyone will find out at the same time, Pam."
"Q? You going to tell me?" she said, turning to Dee.
"Sorry, Pam. We'd really prefer just to say it once. Don't worry. It shouldn't
be too much longer," Dee replied.
Frowning, Ivy turned away and went to pull Harley away from the Joker.
"I think we'd best tell them before the natives get restless," I said. Dee
nodded her agreement and at nine-fifteen exactly, I called attention. "Thank
you all for coming here tonight. You're all probably wondering why I asked
you here. I'll say it without the riddles..."
"No riddles? The world must be coming to an end," the throaty voice of Two
Face said.
Ignoring the dig, I cleared my throat to continued. It was hard enough getting
through this speech without wanting to put in riddles. But Dee had made
me swear that I would give the information straight out, unless I wanted
to spend the next month off in one of the satellite hideouts. Finding that
I was far more protective of her now than I had ever been before, I didn't
want to think of leaving her alone for that long.
"As I was saying, no riddles tonight, just a straight out announcement.
I am announcing two things tonight. The first is my partial retirement from
crime."
"You, Eddie? Have you finally come up with the ultimate riddle to stump
the Batman? Or are you now realizing, with great fear, that you never will?"
Jonathan asked.
"On the contrary, Jonathan, the second announcement is my reason for this
decision. Dee and I are going to have a baby!"
The low undercurrent of chatter that had been going on until now came to
a complete and utter halt. Dee began squeezing my arm tighter as the silence
stretched out. I could feel her slight trembling against my side as we waited
to see if anyone would respond. Even the Joker had gone silent giving us
a look of disbelief as if we'd just told him Jell-o was no longer allowed
in his diet. He was also the first one to break the silence with his giggling.
"Is it true, Ed my boy? A little riddle in the making?" he cackled, sweeping
Harley away from Pam. Harley squealed in delight as he held her close and
cooed. "Another infant that babbles riddles! Or will it be a litter of kittens,
complete with fur and fang?" he hooted in reference to Dee's shape shifting
abilities.
I was more than pleased when two heavily built men came and stood over Joker
with what looked to be cattle prods. What ever they were, the clown gave
them an apprehensive smile and went into a silent grouse. The Penguin gave
me a nod from the other side of the bar. After the outburst, the conversation
started back up and we were swarmed as people came over with their own comments.
"You rascal you!" Two Face said, giving me a slap on the back that nearly
toppled me.
"Congratulations," Harvey added, shaking my hand.
"If you need any herbals, just let me know, hon," Pam said to Dee. She shot
me a look that was a mix of disgust and envy. "I can whip you something
up to keep stretch marks away and control the nausea."
"That'd be wonderful, Pam," Dee said, sounding grateful.
"I think it's wonderful that you're taking some responsibility in your life,
Eddie," Selina said, adding with a smile, "Just hope the kid doesn't come
out babbling riddles."
"A child! 'Speak roughly to your little boy, and beat him when he sneezes!'"
Jervis Tetch said.
I glared at him. Dee gave the back of my shirt a slight tug as she tightened
her grip on it.
"Perhaps just a bonnet then? I could certainly provide a bonnet for the
dear child!"
Dee rolled her eyes as she eased herself into one of the tall bar chairs.
"I'm sure you could, Jervis," she said, attempting not to rub her temples.
"A gagy? Hope it takes its looks from you, Kitkat, and not dis ugly mug,"
Scarface said.
"C-congratulations, Mr. Nigma, Miss Query," stammered Arnold Wesker.
Giving the puppet a patronizing pat on the head, Dee said, "Thank you, Arnie."
Once everyone had come by and given their congratulations and made their
little comment, the Penguin did something he rarely did. He bought the gathered
rogues free drinks for the next hour. I was suddenly surrounded by some
of the men, while Pam, Harley, and Selina hauled Dee off.
"Finally got one of your question marked swimmers to hit the target," chuckled
Two Face, shoving a double shot of straight bourbon into my hand. "We didn't
know you were trying. Drink up while you still can, pal."
"Here, here," came the resounding cry from the gathered men.
"We weren't trying, actually," I said, sipping the drink.
"Didn't wrap the riddle properly before delivering it?" Jonathan asked smirking.
Refusing to dignify that with an answer, I drained the glass of bourbon
and set the tumbler on the bar.
"He forgot to bag it," Two Face said with a grunt. "There's always the option
of..."
"No. We already discussed it. We wouldn't have said anything if we were
going to do that. It was all talked over. How this is going to change our
lives and..."
A hand slapped onto my shoulder. From the weight and the painful pinch,
I knew it was the Joker. His other hand landed on my other shoulder and he
leaned in. "Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. This has got to stop. First you take this
girl in, refuse to tell us what exactly she was doing when you found her..."
"That was her choice, Jack," I reminded him. "She likes her privacy."
He pinched my shoulders harder and I winced as his thumbs dug into my shoulder
blades. "You never hit her. How do you think that makes me look? Haven't
you ever given the girl a smack or two for the fun of it? Harley just screams
with pleasure when I toss her around."
Once more I remained silent, letting the idiot go on.
"And now you do this. You are trying to make me look bad, aren't
you? Going and having a kid! Harley's going to want one next. It'll be all
the rage for the girls to be ready to burst with infant life." He shoved
me forward against the bar and turned to Harvey. "What about you, Twofers?
What happens when Pam wants to have herself a couple heads of lettuce? You're
not going to stand here and let that happen, are you? Pleasant Sundays in
the park, pushing those little leafy heads around in a stroller!" Joker
laughed.
"Pam can't have kids. I lucked out on that," grinned Two Face even as Harvey
frowned.
"Don't worry, Jack. I'm certain that you couldn't have kids anyway," I said.
Watch it, Eddie. Psychotic clown. Thin ice! "How would Harley know
which one to burp and change the diaper on first?"
A smoldering silence came from behind me as I calmly downed my third scotch.
I should say that I was trying to be calm. My stomach was flipping
the way Harvey's coin did when he was asked a simple "yes or no" question.
The sound of grinding teeth edged in after a second. I kept watch of the
angry white face in the mirror behind the bar.
"Ha!" Joker finally said, slapping me on the back. "Good to see you still
have a spine, twerp. Just remember to watch that mouth of yours if you want
to keep it in one piece." Turning on his heel, he marched around the bar
like a toy soldier, joy buzzing those he stopped long enough to talk to.
"Done without a hint of fear in your eye," Jonathan said. He sounded rather
disappointed at that.
Right then I was just glad to still be breathing, knowing that Dee would
not be raising the child alone. I really did need to watch myself now that
I had a lot more to lose. Of course, after a brush with death at the hands
of the Joker, I decided as well to stop paying attention to the fact that
my glass seemed to keep refilling itself.
"Could I please get another pineapple juice?" Dee said, suddenly appearing
at my side. She pressed in under my arm. "Don't let them drag me off again,
Eddie."
Wrapping my arm protectively around her waist, I nodded. "Girl-talk getting
to you?"
"More the questions of where we did it and in what position. That would
be from Harley," she said quickly. "Pam seems to think you did this to turn
me into a repressed woman, while she envies me the ability to have a child
at the same time. Selina... I'm not certain what to make about her feelings
about this. She seems happy enough, but at the same time she seems sad."
"Maybe she sees it as the domestication of a fellow feline. That or she'd
like kids of her own. I think all of you do, even if you don't say it,"
I said, picking my glass up.
Dee's hand covered it before I could put my lips on the rim. "You've had
enough tonight. I'm not taking care of you and your hangover again. Besides,
it's getting late and I'm getting tired."
"It isn't that late," I said, pulling my sleeve back to look at my watch.
It was already one in the morning. "Well, I guess it is getting late."
"Mm," she agreed, putting her arms around my waist. "You've been up here
with the guys for a few hours now. I've watched as everyone has bought the
future dad drinks. I think it's time that I took you home and put you to
bed before you fall over like you did the other night."
Now I had to agree. I asked for the tab, only to find out that the Penguin
had let us drink free all night after our announcement. Placing a tip down
for the bartender, we said our goodnights. With my hand to the small of her
back, I led her out.
"You're really taking all of this seriously, aren't you?" I commented, noting
how she had become far more conscious not only of what she did, but what
I did.
"Why shouldn't I? This isn't something that can be taken lightly. It's a
huge responsibility, Eddie."
"Yes, but that doesn't mean you should lose your sense of fun, Kitten."
I took her right hand and kissed it.
She tugged it away and huffed. "Someone has to take something serious instead
of downing scotch and bourbon all night," she grumbled.
Good going, Eddie! You've managed to take her from zero to angry in 1.2
seconds.
The car jerked to a stop in the garage and she wrenched the parking brake
up. Snapping up her bag, she bolted from the car, slamming the door as hard
as she could. The garage door into the hideout got the same treatment as
she stormed through it.
"Go apologize and make her feel better," I mumbled tugging my seatbelt off.
"Yes, sir. Yes, sir." I paused in the kitchen and grabbed a bag of cookies,
a box of crackers, and a bottle of juice. "Don't forget to give her a snack.
Yup. Snack. I'm on it."
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