"We're going to be late, Dee! Aren't you ready yet?" I asked, tapping my foot impatiently outside our bathroom.

"I'm almost done. Keep your question mark curled!"

Keep my question mark curled? What in the hell is that supposed to mean?

The bathroom door opened and she poked her head around. "Close your eyes." Sighing, I humored her. "Ok. What do you think?" she asked nervously.

I motioned for her to turn around, sucking in a breath as she did so. Her bright red hair was piled on her head and held in place by hair sticks with little enameled metal question marks on the ends. The dress was a deep green and made of silk. It had to have come from Madame Hsia's, the tailor she had been going to in Chinatown for years. My eyes flowed from the Mandarin collar to her bare arms, to the shapely leg that peeked out from the slit up one side of the dress. Her long neck was emphasized by the dangling question marked earrings she wore. The fabric wrapped tastefully around her body, complimenting her pregnant form.

"It's horrible, isn't it?" she frowned when I didn't answer. "I should have stuck with something else. I won't take long to change."

"No! No!" I grabbed her before she could start unfastening the frogs. "You look stunning. More than stunning. I just can't find the words to say it properly."

"You can't find the words? Who are you and what did you do with my Edward?" she giggled as I nuzzled her peach scented neck.

"I can be rendered speechless sometimes." I nibbled her neck as I held her tightly.

"No you can't. You always have something to say. Always have to try to have the last word..." She stopped, her breath quickening and her hand petting the side of my face. "Eddie, stop. You said yourself we were going to be late and I know where you're headed right now." The words were ended with an elbow to my ribs and a laugh as she pulled away from me.

Rubbing where she had hit me, I grinned at her. She still had spunk. Helping her on with her overcoat, I tried to steal another kiss, only to have her elbow me again. The second time she waggled a finger at me. Hand on her lower back, she walked out the bedroom door.

~ ~ ~

The Lounge was crowded when we walked in, filled with all levels of costumed criminals. The place looked like a grade school dance where all the boys were on one side and the girls on the other. Only here all the low ranking criminals were on one side, the high ranking on the other. It amused me to see a few of the lesser known rogues trying to make their way down into the bar, only to have one of the men bark at them, sending them skittering back to their table.

"Good to see you two made it, Edward," Penguin said shaking my hand. He turned and kissed Dee's hand. "You look radiant, my dear."

Dee gave him a gracious smile as she discreetly wiped the back of her hand off on my pant leg. He always gave the girls a soggy kiss on the back of the hand. "Thank you, Oswald. The place looks nice this year."

"I let Pam handle the flora this year. It was less of a headache than I thought! Saved me money too because she's brought in most of it herself. Just watch the holly. It's especially prickly, if you get my drift."

We nodded. "What's with the wannabes tonight?" I asked gesturing to those assembled around the tables.

Oswald rolled his eyes. "They started showing up a little while ago in small groups. Safety in numbers, I suppose. They think they have the proper plumage to show around here. Good drinkers, though, even if they aren't birds of our feather."

Of course the alcohol was the reason he let them stay. He would be rolling in the profits from tonight. It looked to me that they were consuming more alcohol than our group was.

"Eddie! Eddie Nigma! Long time no see!" a voice called out.

My lip automatically curled in disgust at the voice. Slowly I turned around, Dee still attached to my arm. "Arthur Brown," I said, suppressing the urge to haul off and punch him in the face. It was doubly hard when he saw Dee and sneered in disgust.

"So it is true. If you'd like some tips on fatherhood, I can help you with that. You and I could get together for drinks and discuss things," he said, sounding hopeful. "Maybe once the little brat comes and you tire of listening to it howl we can get together for a job."

Only if the job is killing you, Arthur. Tips on fatherhood, indeed! You don't know fatherhood from a hole in the ground. Asshole. Can't tell it from that either. "I think you've got me mistaken, Arthur, for the negligent and blocked heap of trash parent and 'criminal' you are. You couldn't even come up with your own idea for a theme when you decided to get into crime. They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery, but it's an affront when it comes from an idiotic, simpering dolt such as yourself." My voice dropped low. "Especially a fool who doesn't think that threat we made to you doesn't still hold. We still have the books and the means."

Arthur scowled and looked from Dee to me. "The worthless bitch is too fat to do anything to me now, Eddie. You just watch yourself and that whore of yours," he said showing more balls than I thought he had.

Dee's hand stiffened on mine, as the man turned and started to walk away. He didn't get far before Harvey stuck his leg out and tripped him. The bar laughed uproariously as Arthur fell face first onto the floor. Jonathan and Harvey helped him up, brushing off the suit he wore. Harvey Dent and Jonathan Crane, our own personal bouncers.

"Best to watch your step around here, Clueless," Jonathan said with a smirk. They dragged the man back over to us. "I think you had a slip of words there, my boy. An apology is in order, don't you think, Harvey?"

"I don't have to apologize to that trampy slut!" Arthur snarled through clenched teeth.

"Kitten, would you please go get me something to drink," I asked, giving her a small push in the direction of the bar.

"Only if you're going to hit the ass," she said giving him a sour look as she rubbed the top of her belly.

That's my girl! Smiling at her, I said, "You know what I want, Q." She turned and walked to the bar. Without further hesitation, I turned back to Arthur who was tightly held by the grinning Scarecrow and Two Face. "An apology from you would have been so much wiser, Arthur. But you're not known for your brains, are you?"

Twirling my cane I brought the heavy question mark handle down flat across his face. The blow broke his nose and split his forehead. His head lolled forward and his legs began to give out under him. Two Face grabbed a handful of his stringy blonde hair and pulled his head back.

"Looks like someone had too much to drink tonight and ran himself into a light post." He leaned into the rolling eyes of Arthur, adding, "Such a shame." The two dragged Arthur across the bar, smashing him into one of the pillars before heading out of the club.

Dee returned to my side and handed me a scotch and soda. She looked after the trio as she tucked her hand into the crook of my arm and sipped her juice. "You let him off too easily, Eddie. You always do that. I should've finished things when I had the chance."

The ferocity of her words would have shocked me had it not been for the subject they were directed at. Ever since Dee and I had gotten together Arthur Brown had been nothing but trouble. Dee finally took the matter into her own hands and we gave him a warning. He was very lucky that I stopped her from killing him outright. I sipped my drink and let the subject drop. It was Christmas Eve and we were here to have a good time.

Soon enough we were both engaged in conversation and separated with different groups. Ivy allowed Dee to spend most of the time sitting in her booth so she wouldn't tire out. For a while the evening was going well. Harvey and Jonathan told me they had stripped Arthur to his boxers, tied him up, and left him buried up to his neck in a snowdrift. From the grins on their faces, I was certain they had done more than that. Every once in a while I would see Dee as she made her way back and forth to the bathroom. All was fine till the Joker decided he needed to dance with her, catching her as she returned to her seat.

"Get off me, Jack! That hurts!" she protested as he dragged her away from the booth and to her feet. He had pressed himself against her belly and her back arched in his arms at an awkward position.

"Nonsense! This is exactly how Harley likes to be held when we dance!" He giggled as he swirled her around, knocking her into a table.

"Let go of her, Jack!" I shouted at him, trying to release the grip he had on her.

His hands only dug deeper into her flesh as he seized her tighter. She cried out in pain and partially shifted, trying to claw his arm before losing concentration and shifting back. Laughing even more, he grabbed her wrists and twisted her arms down to her sides. His tongue ran up her exposed neck where I had been kissing her earlier. "No wonder you like this one, Eddie! Feisty little feline! I'll bet you're just a scream in bed! What do you say, Ed? Wanna lend her to me so I can find out?"

I smacked him hard on the back of the head with my cane then. Immediately he released Dee to cover his head, glancing up at the ceiling in confusion. I pulled Dee behind me and she gripped the back of my jacket, panting and shaking.

"Ozzie! Your ceiling just hit me!" He shook his fist at the beams, and then looked back down. "Where'd she go? There she is! Come to Joker, kitty!"

Jabbing the question mark into his chest, I gave him a fierce look and shook my head. "No. You leave her alone, Jack. Go find Harley if you want to dance." Why did I suddenly feel like George McFly standing up to Biff Tannen?

The clown in question was poking her head out of Ivy's booth, her hands over her mouth as she watched wide-eyed. Pam stood outside of the foliage-covered booth tossing a pod up and down in one hand. Joker's wide grin melted into a sneer.

"If I wanted to dance with Harley, I would have danced with Harley. I want to dance with the momma!" He tried to shove me aside, but I held my ground. "Move out of the way, Eddie, and let me have my dance!"

"Puddin'? I'll dance with you if you want," Harley said, finally coming over and tugging on his sleeve.

He scowled at her. Placing his hand over her face, he shoved her back and she fell to the ground with a squeak. "Pooh, what did I just say?"

"That you wanted to dance with the momma," she said rubbing her bottom as she stood.

"Who's the momma?"

"Query's the momma, Puddin'." She scuffed her foot in front of her, before adding in a bright voice, "If I tie a bowl on my belly we could pretend that I was the momma!"

The Joker turned and faced Harley, crooking his finger at her. With his attention drawn to Harley, I started backing off slowly, one hand holding Dee to my back. Jack's head snapped back to me and his hand shot out, grasping my tie, pulling me back to him. At the same instant, his other hand shot out and grabbed a chunk of Harley's hair.

"Not so fast, Riddleboy. I'm not finished with you yet." He gave Harley a violent shake. "And you are not the momma!" Sniggering he bopped her over the head with his fist. Once more she fell to the floor and Ivy rushed over to help her.

"Jack, calm down now or I'll have you taken out of here," Penguin said coolly.

Jack chose to ignore the proprietor and took my shirt in both his fists, shaking me. "You don't get it, do you, Eddie?"

"No, I don't. Why is it so important that you dance with my girlfriend?"

"Because I am Uncle Joker! I have more right than any man here to dance with her!" he said, shaking me harder.

Where the hell did he get his logic?! Trying to pull his hands off me, I choked, "No you don't! Get it through your thick skull, you halfwit! She is my girlfriend and she is carrying my child, not yours! You have no right to her at all! The way you treat Harley, you shouldn't even have right to her!"

He punched me then, splitting my lip open. "How dare you!" Grabbing my tie once more, he pushed the knot up tighter and tighter.

Dee hammered on his arm. "Let go of him, you bastard!" she screamed.

I wish she hadn't tried to help out just then. He twisted my tie around and pulled it above my head like a hangman's noose. I clawed at his hand as I watched him reach out and shove her the same way he had pushed Harley the first time. Luckily Ivy was ready and caught her before she could completely lose her balance. Penguin's men finally came rushing in and grabbed a hold of the snarling clown. It took four of them to pin his arms down and get him to release his grip on me. I collapsed to the floor, doubling over in a coughing fit as I loosened my tie. So dazed was I that I didn't see the tip of Joker's black shoe come up, clipping me hard under the chin and sending me sprawling onto my back. With a distraught cry Dee hurried over to me, falling to her knees.

"I'll gut you for this, Eddie! I'll gut you, the kitty, and your little question mark! Just you wait!" shouted Jack as he was taken out of the bar.

"Oh, Eddie!" Dee pulled my head into her lap and stroked my hair. She pressed my handkerchief to my lip, wiping up the blood. "I'm sorry, Tiger. I'm so sorry for this. I should have just danced with him," she whispered.

"You did right, Kitten. Are you ok?" I asked taking her hand.

She nodded, fighting back tears. "I thought I was going to lose you." Bending over, she softly kissed my aching lips.

"Need some help up, Ed?" asked Harvey.

"In a minute. Let me get my breath back." Lying there, I thought about what Jack had just said. He would come after us if he wanted. I hoped that like most everything that angered him, he would completely forget this the second he saw something shiny.
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